Filed under: Body
I started talking at an early age. (I’m sure the VIM would add, “…and she hasn’t shut up since…”, but whatever.)
When I was learning the tips and tricks of effective communication, I often misunderstood words I heard and ended up making my own. Therefore skeleton was skelington, animals were amimals, and those big heavy things that hang over the windows? Those were grapes. Not drapes. Why? Because in my vast 3 years of experience on earth I had never heard the word drapes before. Therefore It Did Not Exist. The word grapes did. End of discussion. Please open the grapes and let the sunshine in.
My grandmother still teases me about her favorite language misunderstanding: Women who were expecting were not pregnant. They were fragrant. Through the years, as my grandmother shares the Extended Family News with me, she’ll often report something like, “Janie is fragrant again, she’s due in May.”
The other night my grandmother was checking up in on me to see if I had kicked the flu. I told her that I was feeling a little better, but it was lingering. She lowered her voice and asked in her coy little grandmother way if perhaps I might be fragrant.
I told her that while there was indeed an element of fragrance involved in my condition, the little bundles I was delivering were NOT bundles of joy.
Filed under: Body
Today I’ll review the weight loss craze that’s sweeping the nation (or at least my office) – the Three-Day Stomach Bug.
Does it lead to weight loss? – Oh Hell yes! Rapid weight loss. It was like the weight was being jettisoned from my body.
What about the exercise component? – You would think that the super-efficient weight-jettison action would be enough, but Wait! There’s More! This system adds in cardio in the form of sprints! Many, many sprints.
Did it sculpt your body? – Well, it certainly changed the appearance. My water-deprived skin settled like tissue paper over the veins in my hands and arms. I’m veiny anyhow, but this was a whole new level of definition. The biggest change, however, was in my face. Black circles under my poor, hurting, red eyes, tissue-like skin again, and the added bonus of Stress Zits! I’m not sure if the look is more “Illicit Substance Chic” or “Adolescent Skeletor”. Either way, it’s sure to scare the younger kids at Halloween.
Overall opinion of the Three-Day Stomach Bug Diet? – Stay as far away from this one as possible. Seriously. It stinks!
Filed under: Body
Stomach Flu.
Gaaahhhhh.
Filed under: Daily
So the VIMless week is over, and although I certainly missed him, I didn’t really have time to sink into emoism. It was more angst-y than emo-y.
That’s because while he was gone I quit my job.
Actually, that’s a little dramatic and not altogether true. I put in my two week notice because I got another job. It was angst-y because I played phone tag with the new job recruiter for a day before we finally spoke and I was offered the job. 24 hours of me analyzing the tone of her voice when she left the message, “Please return my call at your convenience…” on my cell phone.
Wouldn’t she sound more excited if she were offering the job? She must be calling to tell me they chose someone else.
But she’s calling – I would think they would just write a letter if they were choosing someone else.
Back and forth, back and forth, blah blah blah.
In the end, the job is mine. My current employer has been notified, and I’m now in the weird twilight area of Getting Stuff Ready for Transition. There’s not really a lot of stuff to get ready. I’ve only been there a year, so I don’t have file drawers with 15 years worth of every weekly report ever printed or anything like that.
I’m excited about the new job. I like the challenge of…well, of a new job, but I’m moving back into a field I have experience and knowledge in, so in a way I feel like I’m stepping back INTO my comfort zone. I took the scenic route for the past year, and I’m a better person for finding out more of what’s out there, but I feel like I’m almost home. And I’m glad.
On a totally separate note – is Jello Pretzel Salad a universally known dessert, or is it just a regional thing here?
Filed under: Daily
So, just hypothetically speaking here, say you don’t do a lot of cooking/baking. Say you have only used your oven once or twice in the past year. Say that (because you apparently suffered some kind of head trauma) you offered to bring dessert for the next day’s office potluck. Say that, because you’re not even sure if your oven works, you decide on no-bake cookies.
mmmmmm. No-bake cookies.
Say that you actually make it through the cooking process and have just finished spooning the little piles of delight onto the wax paper. This is, of course after buying all the ingredients at the grocery store (ALL the ingredients, because who keeps sugar and butter just lying around at home???),and spending quite a bit of time measuring, adding, stirring, boiling, etc. There is quite an investment in these no-bake cookies.
mmmmmm. No-bake cookies.
Anyhow. Say the ingredient buying, stirring, and adding is all done. The cookies are on the wax paper. You decide to take this opportunity to walk into the bedroom to put on some music so you can relax, and you walk back into the kitchen and two cats are standing on the countertop on the wax paper with the no-bake cookies.
Let me say that again:
TWO CATS ARE STANDING ON THE COUNTERTOP ON THE WAX PAPER WITH THE NO-BAKE COOKIES.
Do you: pick off the cat hair and take the cookies anyhow? Throw away the cookies and stop by the grocery store in the morning to buy cookies that you can pass off as your own? Call off work the next day because the top of your head hurts where you bumped it when you HIT THE FREAKIN’ ROOF?
Just curious.
Filed under: General
I woke up this morning (the first VIMless morning of the week) to find both cats draped over me – one across my knees, one across my arm and chest. As I started to move around, both cats followed me closely. Everywhere I went. For at least an hour they were hot on my trail. I sat down on the futon to watch the news, they sat down on my lap. I sat down to post the Catch 22 meme, they sat on my lap and mousepad.
Give me some space, felines!
I just realized a few minutes ago that they were no longer in the same room. I just got up to get more coffee, and as I walked into the kitchen, the cats were both sitting at the sliding glass door, looking out at a leaf on the deck. They both turned to look at me at the same time, both with an identical look of disdain, as if they were saying, “can we not get ANY privacy around here?”
Damn brats.
I had a great time with my nieces yesterday. The morning started out as a lesson in what many parents go through every day:
The 10yr old and I took the 5yr old to dance class, which started at 10am, then went back home for a few minutes, then back to the dance studio to drop off the 10yr old at her 11am class and to pick up the 5yr old. Back home for a few minutes (which I spent discussing the solar system with a very smart 5yr old), then a few minutes of duck feeding and train watching, and back to the studio at 12:30 to pick up the 10yr old. Then off to the candy store so we could check out their Webkinz display. By that time the 5yr old (who may be able to intelligently discuss the solar system but is STILL 5 years old) was tired and hungry and kept ringing the little bell that was tied to the front door handle. Oh My God. That shrill little bell.
Anyhow. WE made it back home in short order, had a quick lunch, then settled in to watch a movie. I kept thinking to myself – That was only 5 hours. How do parents do this All Day, Every Single Day? And the kids were GOOD (except for that shrill little bell from hell). I honestly don’t know if I have what it takes to be a parent. I’m a kick-ass aunt, no doubt about that, but what would I do if I didn’t have anyone to hand the kids off to at the end of the day?
Filed under: Memes
Via Keri:
You’re Catch-22!
by Joseph Heller
Incredibly witty and funny, you have a taste for irony in all that you
see. It seems that life has put you in perpetually untenable situations, and your sense
of humor is all that gets you through them. These experiences have also made you an
ardent pacifist, though you present your message with tongue sewn into cheek. You
could coin a phrase that replaces the word “paradox” for millions of
people.
Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.
Wow. That was a pretty painless transition. Other than some photos that didn’t make the jump, and a few posts that are double (or triple) posted, it was a smooooooth mooooove.
It’s 7am Saturday, and I’m getting ready to get myself in gear and head out of town. I’m spending the day with my nieces/best friend’s daughters (I never know what to call them, because officially they are my best friend’s daughters, but to ME, they are my nieces…whatever) while my friend and her husband take in a football game. It’s pretty much a win-win situation the whole way around.
The only dark cloud on the day is the fact that the VIM is hitting the road for a week out of town. I hate that. I mean, I want him to have a good time, and I know that I will be able to Get Stuff Done, and it’s not like I didn’t know it was coming – but Argh! I’ll mope around like the world’s oldest emo kid until next Friday.
In other news, I used to bite my nails. Then I stopped. Then last year out of the blue, I started again. I just looked down and realized that I have apparently stopped biting them again. Weird.
Filed under: Analyze This
To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.
So yeah. I dreamed last night that I died. What a weird freakin’ feeling. I am relatively young, and in waking life haven’t given much thought to my mortality, so to face it unexpectedly and with no way to stop it or hide from it in a dream… Whoa. I’m a little topsy turvy this morning. The funny thing is – I really DO feel like I’m on the cusp of a big change.
Songs on my “I’m Melancholy” mix, (or, Songs that Never Fail to Make Me Want to Cry):
- Ripple ~ Grateful Dead
- May the Circle Be Unbroken
- You Were Always on My Mind ~ Willie Nelson
- Ball and Chain ~ Social Distortion
- Chloe Dancer / Crown of Thorns ~ Mother Love Bone
- Cool Change ~ Little River Band
- Helpless ~ Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
- Redemption Song ~ Bob Marley & The Wailers
