Winter is a tough time for me and my body image. I tend to gain weight, which in turn leads to this habit of hibernation. I don’t want to go out in public. I don’t want to interact. I want to be left alone with my stack of pizza cartons and 6 packs of Coca Cola. And instant mashed potatoes. And Oreos.
To make matters worse this year, the VIM has been in kick-ass mode and has really been living an even-healthier-than-usual lifestyle. Daily exercise, nearly-vegetarian diet, lots of water.
The VIM keeps telling me how much better I will feel when I start exercising regularly again. He (gently) says that he doesn’t understand how I can be so close to my “goal weight” and not be diligently working toward it, because he knows it’s an important goal for me.
Meh.
I don’t know how to explain to him about the switch. It turns itself on and off. I can’t WILL myself to be healthy. Maybe other people can, but I need that switch, which is connected to many many other factors, to be turned on. And I know eventually it will – usually sometime mid-spring I will wake up and ta-dah! I’ll be ready to reassemble my act and take it on the road.
In preparation for the switch to be turned on, I signed up for an online healthy-living community. Nutrition Counter, Exercise suggestions. That kind of stuff. It took me awhile to sign up for the free membership because I had to keep stopping to unwrap the 5 Hershey Miniatures that I was having for breakfast.
I really sort of dislike my gas company. I started to write that I hated the gas company, but that seemed pretty strong. Still, though, they are a large company, and obviously have some extra cash lying around. I’m pretty sure that they can afford software that can actually give an estimated reading that is in the same ballpark as my actual usage. I mean, my actual usage really hasn’t fluctuated much, and my “actual reading” bills are always very close in usage amount. The estimated bills, however – wee doggies! What a rollercoaster ride! I have had 3 “estimated reading” bills so far and at the LOWEST, they estimated that my usage doubled. This last bill, they estimated that it tripled. My total jumped from $47 to $150. And somehow – SOMEHOW when I get my next “actual reading” bill and it’s low again, I won’t get that money back. arrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh. It is so freakin’ frustrating!
I feel disconnected.
My desktop computer is sitting dark and silent, waiting for me to buy and install some memory. Thank God (and the VIM) for this lovely little laptop.
As days go by, I realize HOW MUCH I had stored on my computer. Saved emails from days before the VIM was the VIM. Backups of my old journals dating back to 2001. Pictures. Nothing I can’t live without (like my spreadsheet of passwords I printed out on a whim last week *whew*!). But enough “me” stuff that I feel like crying. And hitting myself hard on the forehead with the palm of my hand and yelling, “doh!”
Last night, the VIM and I participated in a little back and forth jawing regarding an NFL playoff game. Nothing major…neither one of us really cared if the Colts or Pats won. It was just something to do. Somehow, in the heat of the trash talk, we did what every mature couple does – we bet on the outcome of the game we didn’t care about. The wager? Loser spends a day at the beck and call of the winner. I was feeling pretty cocky at half time when my Pats were up a couple of touchdowns, so I went to bed. I woke up this morning to find that sometime in the near future I’ll be at the VIM’s beck and call for 24 hours.
Grand.
THEN I went out to my car to find it covered in a sheet of solid ice.
Grander.
THEN I came home, turned on my trusty desktop only to have it beep angrily back at me. There are a few possibilities, but none of them look good.
Grandest.
Memory Module error is the most likely problem, but I haven’t had time to actually look into whether it’s a fixable problem. Anyone know anything about Compaq Memory Modules?
Thank goodness for the new lovely laptop. The biggest bummer is that I had just (last weekend), reorganized and renamed all of my digital photos so that I could back them all up. I spent so much time reorganizing THREE YEARS WORTH OF PICTURES that I didn’t have time to do the actual backup. Guess where the digital pictures are. *sigh*
Backup early and often, folks.
I don’t know if it’s a medical fact or just a fact to me, but I only remember my dreams when I have had enough sleep. Oh, those days in years past when I would sleep til noon – I would sort of wake up around 9ish then burrow back under the covers. Those last 3 hours would be filled with dreams, and I’d wake up remembering the tiniest details.
I haven’t remembered more than 5 or 6 dreams in the past 3 years. The past two nights, though, have produced some real winners for me. Sunday night I dreamed that I went to my HS reunion, and one of my classmates put her arm around my shoulder (to greet me, I thought), and whispered in my ear that my clothes – my STYLE – was, like, circa 1988, and I really needed to put some effort into my appearance. I spent all day yesterday trying to remember if I have any clothes in my possession from, like, circa 1988, and unfortunately, the answer is, like, yes. *sigh*
Last night I dreamed that I was dancing the Beer Barrel Polka around a table stacked with plates of open-faced spaghetti and meatball sandwiches. Yeah, I don’t know wtf either.
The VIM has been sick since Thursday.
Although I would NEVER wish illness on anyone, I will say that I took advantage of some seriously extended downtime to catch up on my sleep. Yes, Yes, I could have caught up on cleaning. Or web stuff. Or even email. Or bills. What I did instead was sleep 9 hours Thursday night, 10 hours Friday night, 11 hours Saturday night, and 11.5 hours last night. Last night we were in bed by 5:30pm. I feel weird. Like I’m coming out of a Lost Weekend. Was there any important news? Was it cold outside? Did someone feed the cats? (just kidding…)
The automatic coffee pot didn’t automatically start this morning, which means that I am on my way out the door to a 7am workout without coffee.
Heather tagged me for this meme, and for once I’m gonna be prompt in responding, because promptness, my friends, is one of my resolutions for 2007.
1. Take the nearest book and go to page 123.
2. Go to the fifth sentence of the page.
3. Copy down the next three sentences and tag three people.
“I had to go and give evidence. There were pictures of me in all the papers. My press agent said it was very good publicity – but I’d much rather have had my opal back.”
Filed under: General
Wow, that 2006 was something, huh?
I think as years go by I’ll look back at 2006 and say, “That was the year that Life Really Happened. A lot.”
There were days and weeks when I felt In Control, man.
In.
Control.
Then there were days and weeks when life rode me like a rented mule.
So I guess basically I had a normal year.
I sincerely hope that next year as I look back on 2007 I can say, “Well, it was another normal year. The only difference was that *I* rode life a hell of a lot more than it rode me.”
