Ellemental

I’m going to be 37 years old in a few weeks.
I have prided myself in the fact that for most of my life, I have lived life my own way. Not necessarily the best way, but my way.

My way of living tends to focus on the NOW, rather than the “back then” or the “if when.” I’m not a goal-setter, and I’m not a dreamer. I believe that life happens, and I live fully in that life.

Lately I’ve been anxious. I’ve been feeling that I’m on the verge of something that I can’t quite put my finger on. I’ve been feeling that in 10 years or so I’ll look back to this point in my life and recognize it as a turning point. I think I’ve finally figured out why.

My life has changed more in the past year than it ever has. My “job” suddenly turned into a “career” without me realizing it. I’m suddenly responsible for stuff. I’m sitting on advisory committees and teaching classes. I’m starting to study for my certification exam. Next year (pending passing the exam) I’ll actually be a professional. A PROFESSIONAL. Gawd.

My secret hobby of web designing is no longer a secret, and I’ve been asked to redesign and administer a local arts website.

I’ve just been elected to the board of a local group.

My relationship with the VIM is solid. I’ve stopped breaking out in hives every time we plan something more than 2 or 3 months in advance. I’m losing that fear of committment, and I’m not sorry.

I got my hair cut and ACTUALLY MADE A 6-WEEK FOLLOWUP APPOINTMENT.

All my life I’ve feared being an adult. I’ve hated responsibility, I’ve had no confidence that I can stand on my own two feet and influence others. Suddenly, though, in the past 12 months adulthood has snuck up on me. It embraced my gently and allowed me to embrace it back on my own terms.

I’m feeling good about what’s lying ahead for me. I’m setting (small) goals and making long-range and long-term plans.

Being an adult isn’t nearly as scary as I thought it would be.

Better late than never.